Sterling Baumgardner
Sterling Baumgardner is a sophomore pursuing a dual major in public health and nursing, who grew up in Mansfield, Ohio. He works part-time as a patient care assistant on the adolescent unit at Akron Children’s Hospital, and he often helps treat kids struggling with mental health issues. Baumgardner understands; he’s been treated at Akron Children’s Hospital, too. He joined the campaign, in part, to make sure others take suicide prevention seriously.
I think my worst mental health was when I was in my early teenage years. My parents divorced when I was seven, and I experienced physical abuse, emotional abuse. I had severe depression and multiple suicide attempts. I couldn’t plan my life more than a month ahead. I couldn’t see myself living past that.
I am definitely a lot further than that now. But it’s been a long journey. I was actually hospitalized multiple times at Akron Children’s Hospital. The last time I was there, I realized that this is unacceptable. I need to stay alive. I can’t keep doing this. Even though I was still very, very depressed, and at times suicidal, I told myself that I had to be here, and that my voice and my thoughts and my experiences matter.
Now, I’m working on some of the units that I’d been admitted to and working with some of the nurses who took care of me during that time. It’s really humbling to have made it far enough in my own journey that I can say I’m healthy within my own mental space.
Some people when they’re having a really bad day, they say, “I wish I didn’t exist.” They don’t realize that is a form of suicidal thoughts. It’s been normalized.
I think it’s 100% important to be honest with yourself. If you’re in a dangerous headspace, being honest with yourself may be the only way that you are going to maintain safety at that point.
Some of the things I see at work are really heartbreaking, but I try not to take my work home, which is hard. I think that’s something all mental health professionals have to do. Personally, as soon as I get in the car, I listen to music and try to sing along. And when I get home, I just go to sleep, because the more you’re awake, that’s more time to dwell on the events of the shift. Once I wake up, they’re no longer at the forefront of my mind.
There’s such a stigma—for science majors in particular—that you don’t have time for mental illness. I think that it’s a horrible stigma. There’s no such thing as “no time for mental illness,” because it isn’t a choice. I want people to see that I am a science major and I have pretty serious diagnoses for mental health conditions, and I still manage to be successful in college.
I’m happy that the university is placing such a big emphasis publicly on prioritizing students’ mental health. That is something I really love about 91˛Öżâ.