Tanya Bystrova-McIntyre
Tanya Bystrova-McIntyre, MA ’04, MA ’06, PhD ’12, an associate professor of Russian and translation studies, first came to 91²Ö¿â in 2002 as a graduate student. After earning a doctorate, she joined the faculty in 2013. Since then, she says she’s tried to share her mental health journey with students who are also struggling.
Before I was diagnosed with PTSD [post-traumatic stress disorder], I was in an abusive relationship. As often happens, it wasn’t apparent at first. Abusers suck you in gradually and make it seem like it’s your fault. At first it was verbal abuse, and then I was beaten up. At that point, I finally found the strength to walk away. I called the police. But for many people—many women like me—it is very hard to walk away, because abusers make you feel like you need them. Like you can’t live without them.
But to find help, you have to ask for help. Asking for help is hard. It may seem like it’s easy, but it’s hard. Then it’s hard to accept help. And it’s not just once you have to learn to ask for it. You have to ask every time you need it and accept it with grace and not shame. It’s a constant journey.
I didn’t know that PTSD can happen not just from war but from an abusive relationship. I shared how I felt at work with my colleagues and one of them sent me a private message that said to contact this counselor. And I did. The counselor helped me learn.
At first, it was devastating to me. I had to learn to deal with my panic attacks through exercises, meditation and medication. And to stay on top of all that—and, if I slip, to seek help again.
I had to learn not to be ashamed every second of my life about what happened to me. At first, I was ashamed to show my face in public. I had to learn not to blame myself for what happened to me.
I had to grow, a lot. Being open about my condition actually took me many years.
I see so many students who have to live with their mental health problems every day, every hour. And I want to help them. I want to teach them to help themselves.
I never pry. We’re not allowed to. But I share my condition openly, when it’s appropriate. When students share that they’ve had a panic attack, or anxiety, or they’re too depressed to come to class that day, I say that I really understand, and I say that it happens to me, as well. I say, “Don’t be afraid to ask for help—to contact your support system, your medical professionals, your counselors.â€
I think when people talk about these things openly, it is extremely important. I appreciate that posters are being put around the campus because we have to become visible, and our conditions need to become known. And I think teaching the community about how to understand and interact with us should be the next step.